When Teachers Let Students Trash Other Teachers: A Conversation I'm Still Thinking About

I'll be honest - writing this makes me nervous. It's vulnerable to admit when something bothered you, especially when you're calling out a pattern you saw in your own school. But I keep thinking about this, so here goes.

I was walking past an advisory classroom one afternoon and heard my name. A student was venting about how unfair I'd been in class that morning - I'd called him out for disrupting the lesson - and the advisory teacher was just... letting it happen. Other students jumped in with their own complaints about me. The teacher sat there, nodding along.

And look, I get it. I really do.

I've Been That Frustrated Teacher Too

Before I go any further, let me say this: I try never to raise my voice in class, I know the implications it brings. However, it has happened, more times than I want to admit in my early years of teaching. There were days when a student pushed just the right button and I snapped harder than I should have. Days when I was exhausted and couldn't muster the patience I needed. Days when I felt like I was failing and took it out on a class that wouldn't stop talking.

I wasn't perfect. None of us are.

And here's something else I learned: sometimes what looks like a student "goofing off all the time" is actually a student who's terrified they're too far behind to catch up. They mask their fear with jokes and disruption because admitting they don't understand feels worse than being the class clown.

Some content is genuinely hard to teach. Science concepts that build on each other - if a student missed the foundation, they're lost. Math where every new skill requires the previous one. Reading comprehension when a student is years behind grade level. We get frustrated because we're trying to help and they keep derailing the lesson, and we don't always realize they're derailing because they're scared. It all comes with experience.

Different content requires different teaching methods, and sometimes what works for one student feels too strict or too confusing to another. That's real. That's the challenge of teaching.

So when that student was complaining about me? Maybe I had been too harsh. Maybe I didn't understand what was really going on with him. Maybe he needed something I wasn't giving him.

But Here's Where It Got Complicated

The issue wasn't that the student was upset. The issue was that instead of helping him figure out how to address it, the advisory teacher let it become a public complaint session.

And I don't think that teacher meant any harm. I think they were trying to be supportive, trying to give students a space to express frustration.

But when I found out about it, I felt... stuck. What was I supposed to do? Confront the teacher? That creates more drama. Pretend I didn't know? That felt impossible.

What I Think We All Miss Sometimes

Here's what I've been thinking about: when we let students openly criticize other teachers in front of their peers, what are we actually teaching them?

Not that their feelings are valid - they can learn that through private conversations.

Not that teachers make mistakes - they already know that.

What they're learning is that the appropriate response to frustration with authority is to complain about that person to everyone else. And I worry about that, because it's not a pattern that serves them well in life.

When you're frustrated with your boss, you don't gather your coworkers to trash them. When you're upset with a family member, talking about them behind their back to relatives doesn't solve anything. Those patterns - the ones we're teaching in middle school - they stick.

What I Wish Had Happened Instead

I keep imagining a different version of that afternoon.

The student starts venting, and the advisory teacher says: "I hear that you're really frustrated. That's okay - teachers are human and sometimes we don't get it right. But this isn't the place to talk about another teacher. What you're feeling is important, though. So let's figure out how to handle this. Do you want to talk to Mr. J directly? Do you want me to come with you? Do you want to write down what you're feeling first so you can organize your thoughts?"

That would have taught the student something valuable - not just that his feelings mattered, but that there's a respectful way to address conflict.

And honestly? It would have helped me too. Maybe I did mess up with that kid. Maybe I needed to know how he felt. But I never got that chance because the conversation happened without me.

The Thing About Different Teaching Styles

Not every teacher teaches the same way, and that's actually okay. Some teachers are stricter than I was. Some were more lenient. Some gave more homework, or different types of assignments, or had different classroom management styles.

Students need to learn that different adults have different expectations. That's preparing them for reality - different professors, different bosses, different contexts all require adaptation.

But students also need to know that when those different styles don't work for them, there are appropriate ways to advocate for themselves. "This teaching method doesn't match how I learn" is different from "This teacher sucks."

Why This Still Matters to Me

I think it's because I see how it affects the culture. Once students know which teacher would let them complain, that becomes the go-to. Students start looking for things to be upset about. The atmosphere shifts from collaborative to adversarial.

And the teachers who are being complained about? Some of them are genuinely struggling. Some are dealing with personal issues. Some are new and still figuring it out. Some are actually excellent teachers who just have high standards.

When we let students publicly tear down other teachers, we're not helping anyone grow. We're just creating divisions.

What I'm Still Learning

I don't have all the answers. I made mistakes as a teacher, and I'm sure I frustrated students in ways I never even knew about.

But I think we owe it to each other - and to our students - to handle these situations with more care. To teach conflict resolution instead of complaint culture. To redirect students toward direct communication instead of gossip.

And to remember that teachers who lose their temper, who struggle with certain students, who use methods we don't personally agree with - they're still trying. Just like we all were.

Maybe the real question isn't "How do we stop students from complaining about teachers?" but "How do we create a culture where students feel safe bringing concerns directly to the person involved, and where teachers feel supported when they make mistakes?"

I'm still thinking about that one.

And here's another question I keep coming back to: How do we actually help the teachers who are struggling? Are they given any coping techniques? Ways to catch themselves before they lose it? Support systems when they're drowning?

I'm still thinking about that one too.

That's part of why I have this blog - to keep asking these questions, to keep working through what we could have done better, and to hopefully start conversations that lead to real support for teachers who are in the thick of it right now. Schools are different; some have smaller or larger classes per one teacher, some are in higher or lower tax districts, some have coaches available to the teachers, so many differences that affect the students and the teachers.

If we're going to ask students to handle their frustrations better, we need to make sure teachers have what they need to handle theirs too.